My advice to married women out there: Suck it up

Leah McLaren, The Globe and Mail, Friday, Feb. 12, 2010

Extract:
"To them, I offer this singular piece of advice: Suck it up. Be glad, if you're married, that you have a husband. Provided he's not a violent, gambling drunkard who just got off with your best friend, I'll bet that he's just fine. In any case, you made your bed, so lie in it. Better yet, roll over and make love to it. You may not think you're in the mood, but, trust me, you'll be happier if you do. ... I have come to these conclusions, among others, after speaking with American writer Lori Gottlieb, the author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

After having a baby on her own with donor sperm in her late 30s, Gottlieb re-entered the dating market in her early 40s only to find that all the good guys had already been snapped up. Her book, which is a meditation on choice, disappointment and the importance of managing your expectations in the modern dating market, also chronicles Gottlieb's profound regret at having been too picky and hypercritical in her single youth. “It seems great to have all these choices,” she told me in a recent phone interview, “but the question is, can you pick wisely?”

Interestingly, Gottlieb points to cultures that favour arranged marriages as a guide on how to pick a mate based on practical criteria that will sustain marriage and children – a proposition she describes as not unlike “running a small, tedious, non-profit business” – rather than the modern notion that marriage should be based on everlasting, bodice-ripping passion.

“People expect their marriage is always going to be this thrilling, exciting thing, but that's not real life. I think that the great benefit of marriage is the safety and commitment and having a teammate and a home, just the love and the warmth. It's not that exciting, but it's what people crave at their deepest level.”

Leave it to a hard-up single mother to appreciate what so many unhappily married women cannot. Gottlieb's point about arranged marriages brought to mind another interesting observation, this one found in Elizabeth Gilbert's new book, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage.

In her follow-up to the mega-bestseller Eat, Pray, Love, divorcee Gilbert is sentenced to marry her exiled Brazilian boyfriend for immigration purposes. As they await their impending nuptials, she contemplates the history and cultural purpose of marriage from a point of view that is diametrically opposed to Gottlieb's – i.e., she doesn't want children and has no interest in tedious non-profit work.
Perhaps the most interesting observation in the book is that, historically speaking, a successful marriage has nothing to do with love. In the course of her research, Gilbert notices that, across cultures and history, the divorce rate spikes as soon as people start choosing their spouses for themselves. “By unnerving definition,” she writes, “anything that the heart has chosen for its own mysterious reason, it can always unchoose.” ... continue reading

Blog Reviews - Security for idiots and other people that care

Blog Title: Security for idiots and other people that care
URL: http://securityforidiots.blogspot.com/
Blogger: David Tamayo
Blog's Date of birth: April 3, 2008.
Blogger's Profile: "Intense in a caring nurturing kind of way. I would gladly give my life to defend those that I love. I will teach those that I do not know how to defend themselves, but to learn from each other, I will come to know you. Once I know you, you will become someone that I love."
Blog profile: "The goal is to develop a community of like minded people that believe if they strive to be the best that they can possibly be they will be better able to serve and protect the ones that they love. True security comes through the peace of mind of knowing that your life is totally under your control. Let's grow together during this journey and realize what true power over our lives really means."
Subject Profile: Personal Development Development and Growth
Tags: love Security self defense power peace of mind intent

Tag Cloud
caregiver
decisions
eddie
boy
ellen
degeneres
Help
hope
inspiration
intent
olympic
games
positivism
prayers
senate
president
stress
thank
you
wealth

Blog Posts Frequency (2008 sample): August (1); July (1); June (5); May (5); April (7)
Strength: Caregiving and lifegiving. Looks good with visuals, and banners.

Weekness: I agree with one reviewer, about the word idiot in the title. Addressing someone as Idiot, I would say, idiot may sound as unintentional mockery of a human being.
First post: Why discuss this?
Bottomline of the First Post: "First off, I do not want anyone to think that I will only be talking about security in the missionary sense. Really how one lives one's life will reveal the total sense of how secure one's life can be. Don't get me wrong, gadgets gizmos and techniques will definitely be covered. Please feel free to ask questions, give feedback, or just critique."

What do others say about this blog:

• "Security for idiots and other people that care" is a very interesting blog. One can spend hours reading blog spots, concerning some quite delicate themes, without getting bored. All the articles provide a considerable amount of information, yet there is always the author's opinion that can be felt.
• Very useful articles, unbalanced advices and encouraging words, great blog! There is only one thing I don’t like (it’s just a matter of personal taste) the word idiot from the blog title, but that is just my opinion. Your blog is really great - your honesty and sweet soul come out in your passionate writing... it really is compelling to read your thoughts on various topics...

Recommendation: We need many more compassionate and spirited bloggers, and David's Blog can be rated as doing its best to meet its goal. I read his review of a movie on Caregiver, and was highly impressed by his writing style, and in one word he is: communicative.* Any expatriate will enjoy reading this analysis of the movie.

*Would you leave your family to take a job in another country? / Caregiver Photo video part 2a / Caregiver Photo video part 2b :